When Push Comes to Shove - Slaikeu
Below is a comprehensive narrative summary of "When Push Comes to Shove: A Practical Guide to Mediating Disputes" by Karl A. Slaikeu, grounded in descriptions of the book’s structure and core ideas:
Karl Slaikeu’s "When Push Comes to Shove" reads like a seasoned mediator sitting beside you and walking you through the art and craft of helping people resolve disputes. From the very beginning, Slaikeu gently shifts the reader’s mindset: mediation isn’t a mystical peace-process, and it isn’t about forcing agreement - it’s about guiding disputing parties through an honest, structured journey toward understanding and workable solutions.
The narrative of the book unfolds in a way that mirrors the real-world progression of a mediation itself. Slaikeu starts by placing you “in the room” with the conflict. He defines the fundamental concepts of conflict and mediation, explaining how disagreements escalate and why they are often misunderstood. He emphasizes that conflict, while uncomfortable, is not inherently toxic - when approached skillfully it can reveal underlying needs, interests, and shared concerns that otherwise remain hidden.
From that foundation, the book moves into the heart of Slaikeu’s methodology: a five-step mediation process. This process becomes a storyline the reader follows: first there’s making contact with the parties and establishing trust; then there’s holding an opening meeting where each side’s story is heard; next come caucuses - private meetings that let emotions and interests surface; after that, shuttle and joint sessions where ideas are tested and shaped; and finally, closing steps involving drafting agreements and ensuring commitments are clear and durable. At each stage, Slaikeu offers not just the “what” of the steps, but the how and why - bringing together interpersonal clarity, communication skills, and practical forms or ground rules.
One of the book’s strengths is how it balances structure with flexibility. While the five-step model provides a reliable backbone, Slaikeu also prepares readers for “mediation on the fly” - situations where there isn’t time for a full formal process, such as a brief workplace disagreement or a sudden classroom clash. Here, he teaches how to apply the same principles in mini-bursts: listen actively, manage emotions, explore interests, and look for creative solutions even without formal caucuses or repeated meetings.
Throughout the narrative, the mediator’s internal qualities are as important as the sequence of steps. Slaikeu devotes considerable attention to interpersonal skills like active listening, reframing, questioning, and summarizing - skills that allow mediators to build rapport and help disputants see beyond entrenched positions. These skills become narrative threads that weave the technical process with human psychology, reminding the reader that mediation is as much about understanding people as it is about following procedures.
Illustrative case examples and sample dialogues are peppered through the text so the reader can see the theory in action. These stories ground abstract ideas in real scenarios - a heated workplace dispute, a breakdown in neighborly relations, or the tension between organizational roles - making the book feel less like a textbook and more like field training.
Toward the end of the book, Slaikeu expands the narrative beyond formal mediation tables, addressing variations such as face-to-face peacemaking between individuals outside structured settings, or how to handle situations where only informal mediation is appropriate. In these chapters, the message deepens: sometimes the mediator isn’t a third-party professional, but a community member or leader who must bring the same principles of clarity, fairness, and mutual respect to everyday interactions.
In the epilogue, Slaikeu reflects on the calling of the mediator - not as someone who simply “solves problems,” but as someone who fosters understanding and builds bridges where walls once stood. His approach blends practical technique with philosophical respect for human dignity, framing mediation as both a skill and a service.